i've always loved how the sky is always, without fail, picture perfect, even when there are dark clouds and it's raining or when the sun's beating down hard on all of us. it's always beautiful in every way and i always think, perhaps that's the closest to heaven i'll ever get.

i do think about death. partly because of religion and religion is basically living for life after death and not living just for the life right here righ now. and i do get scared. i think the whole idea of entering something that could end everything or could mean an eternity of fear and pain or an eternity of absolute bliss is so scary and still, we have no clue as to what really is going to happen. n because we don't know, it makes it scary and just so damn frightening.

plus we don't even know if we're up to God's standard. what really counts? He made us, sacrificed his only Son for us, so there's no way we could ever make it up to him. and we've got people like Mother Teresa and the saints and alot of other really good hearted people doing good deeds and trying and changing the world and here i am blogging, trying to get my work done, thinking about what it takes to survive, thinking about people, about popularity, getting mad at people, regretting friendships, regretting being who i am, thinking too much abt myself, being cold to some friends and not loving my family as much as i should.

argh ok im so tired la haha i wanted to say more stuff but it's really weird when i try to get back into the writing habit and all the reasons why i stopped blogging abt personal stuff come back to haunt me and its like fighting with myself.

ok goodnight (: