what i want

i have no idea what i want in life
and i think everyone expects me to know, quick! because it'll make life easier for everyone including myself.
but i don't know what i want

i don't know what i want to do for the rest of my life, what i want to study, what job to get, what type of stuff i even enjoy

i don't know what my cat wants she's just lying there but she keeps meowing so she wants to play but she keeps running off. lazy cat.

i don't know what course to take, i think it's because im so sheltered, i never bothered to venture and experience so i don't know what my options are and what i enjoy or what i'm good at. but it's not like i don't try? or maybe i don't.

i don't know.

i sound so awful

6th jan 2013

i didnt even know what date it was i had to check.

11.19.

right now, today, i can confidently say that i have lost the ability to find joy in anything. maybe im just tired. but i think this feeling is worth documenting, hopefully i'll never feel it ever again.

i do not feel happy. i do not feel like there's anything to look forward to, even though my brain can list out things, but i feel nothing for them. im so tired of everything, there's nothing for my to live for.