i hate my life. i need coffee.

it is shit depressing that i cant do chem and it sucks that something as insignificant and unimportant in life (if you consider the big picture and the whole purpose of it) is bothering me i really really really hate schooling right now i want to give up i want to do something with my life

i wanted to tell him tell him tell him but i couldnt i want to tell him tell him tell him but i cant and i realise we are exposed to beauty so real and there but not actually existent in our own world we just view it so clearly as if through a clean sheet of glass that we cant get through like events we are aware of and make you think and make you tear and feel but you cant do anything about it except to feel and theres nothing you can do about it so why does it matter

today: i learnt that a falling man can fly but he was once human too

i wonder if anything is actually going to happen. something exciting and real, rather than just ideas exploding in my head. its like multiple possibilities but no way of knowing what will happen and all i can do is tell myself to have faith. but im much too impatient to shut up about it. change always comes with new things, new people. as much of an anti-people person i am, i actually am interested in human character and rather look forward to meeting new people. because the chances of meeting someone i can actually get along with is THERE and thats just better than nothing. i realise i really do like company. sort of like a common human trait so that makes me common and human. mm. i really love the night sky its like the most beautiful thing, i could stare at it for hours and feel closer to heaven. it would be nice if there was someone out there in the world thats as pointless and crazy as me HAHA

(:

and i officially suck at bio and chem i die i die