cant wait for monday to be over.

i wish the guys that i ahem like/admire/have a crush on/whatever you may call it, have blogs. then at times like this when im tired and its late but i dont want to go to sleep cos i feel like i should be feeling something that i dont so i should stay up til i find that feeling. if they/he had blog(s) i would go read it and i'd feel much better. cos i know i wont feel anything but happiness just to be able to know what he's thinking. its like talking to that person without talking to that person CREEPY AINT IT HAHA. but its like u're getting to know that person and you grow closer but i guess it'll be a one sided thing. unless you bring up the topic when that person is awake/available and continue with it then yea it'll be really meaningful (:

i do love reading friends' blogs, i usually do when im feeling like this butbut it's just not the same? haha it is kinda, just not really.

anyway i think im ready to sleep, i should, my dad just came in to remind me to sleep. i have school tomorrow.

i wrote a long long post about quitting the internet cos it sucks AND THEN I CLICKED POST N THE POST DISAPPEARED HAHAAHAHHAHAHA MY THEORY PROVED

anyway basically, planning to stop using internet and devote more time to more meaingful stuff. like God and music and writing and reading and learning and studying and being there for people

HAHA BYE

i wish i was that type of girl that prances around and is always happy and bright, and when she meets with others, she makes them happy, she brightens up their day with a smile. and shes so lovely and caring and sensitive and perfect and she makes u feel like you're that special someone to her and you can't help but feel good even on bad days.

but im not, i just make mistakes over and over and i don't know how to handle situations and i dont know what will make you happy. i just be myself and im honest and i will tell you "i'm right here and i care" but i know its not enough because i don't really matter enough.

and its okay, im okay with it. my life doesnt suck, im actually happy, or at least i can be. but because you aren't, because everyone else doesnt seem to see how awesome life is even when it doesnt seem that way it feels like I FAILED like im alive but i don't serve a single purpose because i cant do this one little job, i cant cheer you up. i cant make you feel good.

i should lie more often, i should be a little sweeter, alittle kinder, alittle less weird (not possible), alittle more understanding, less lazy too.

:)

AND I NEED TO GET BACK ON THAT DIET THAT I HATH FORSAKEN AFTER ONE DAY HAHAHHA

does it make sense if i said my life sucks because other people are miserable? and i cant make them happy, it doesnt work, no ones happy. not really.