i realise i really need someone there, to hold my hand and lead me along, to tell me to keep going, to keep me happy even when im working, because my priorities are all messed up i am on a slippery slope.

im going to be totally immature right now and act like some young teenage girl even though im smarter than this but whatever but whatever. i wonder if i'll ever fall in love. i wonder if love exists already, or it is to be created. i am aware of love from friends, God, family but now im being immature so let me talk about romantic love like boy girl stuff like teenage stuff ok lets be superficial and shallow for this while. i wonder if i'll ever fall in love. or fall into the idea of what love should be. i wonder what love is. i wonder if u really really like the person truly, like every fault and every thing every feature or just the idea of it or just the person in general. does society's idea of love shape relationships. are we meant to acknowledge a person as a lover merely because of courting and of touch and of words. i don't know. do we truly romantically love a person? what does that even mean. does fate really matter. i wonder if it does. haha honestly its not going really well in my favour haha. and does love mean that we have to lower expectations? or just wait? must i let go and just accept that i am not extremely attractive and thus perhaps not worthy of being with the people that i "fall" for. like crush on. plus is crushing even right? because we judge by appearance right? but i can sort of see his character and i kind of am attracted to it. but what if he isnt really like what i think he is. so im wrong? so everything just has to happen? so i just wait? but what if its perfect. haha i am impatient. butbutbut. i dont know why i even bother.

THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD WHY AM I LIKE THIS