so



there's a thousand reasons for you to stay. even if you lacked the simplest things or the most complicated. even if you watched the television teach you how to love and you realise that you don't have it, and you feel empty and stupid, there's still a reason to live.



i've learnt that from You. that what we see isn't what we should live by. the world is tricked into thinking that everyone's life must be lived out that certain way. rich beautiful in love perfect. it's what we dream of, that ideal dream that ideal life but it just makes us feel like we fall short all the time.



i don't know where to start. that's the problem. i don't do starts, i do intermediates haha. i work off other people. i can't start of a conversation and immediately give a spectacular impression. people think im stuck up or foolish or unfeeling or weird. it's like some messed up role i play. give me a script, i'll play from a role. but life doesn't write one for you, so i end up being a mix of personalities it's kind of messed up. i don't have an identity. who i am is not being a single original idea, i steal from the people around me and twist it to fit myself. perhaps its laziness? haha probably.



from now on, im going to use this blog to write letters to God. was planning to do it on a notebook but I HATE MY HANDWRITING HAHA. the thought of writing in my handwriting makes me cringe hoho. ok im hungry and tired. hope i don't fall sick.