there are certain extents i am willing to go as a person and yet willing to hold back. for instance, i am a spoilt child, throwing tantrums, getting upset at the littlest thing out of plan but then at the same time i understand that happiness is a given choice, and every gift should be appreciated. and then when i fangirl, i understand that beauty=dbsk and junsu in everyway but i am grounded enough to know that a chance to know junsu as a real person is probably zilch. i do fall in love with the simplest things though, little actions that go unnoticed, genuine but flawed, sincerity is everything to me. when you do something but don't mean it, for the sake of being polite, i smile. when you do, when your heart is on your sleeve, i actually feel gratitude towards it, happiness becomes easily accessible and i live in a dream. so far, only few actually get me, and few i have actually gotten. yet, i am learning to change, to realise that it takes effort and sometimes effort is worth it. am i ready to conform to someone? go his way? perhaps that is the secret. but to me, it only works if he can see it, the sincerity of it and all that. and how many people could actually do that. i wonder if its true, that theres someone out there for everyone, a friend, a partner, someone someone. on another note, why is it that music attracts me so. i want it i want to submerge myself in it but i cant because losing myself again would be a big mistake. how do u be so many people if you are only one.

this is a stupid post about myself because i am a contemplative narcissist todayyyyyyyy