cant wait for monday to be over.

i wish the guys that i ahem like/admire/have a crush on/whatever you may call it, have blogs. then at times like this when im tired and its late but i dont want to go to sleep cos i feel like i should be feeling something that i dont so i should stay up til i find that feeling. if they/he had blog(s) i would go read it and i'd feel much better. cos i know i wont feel anything but happiness just to be able to know what he's thinking. its like talking to that person without talking to that person CREEPY AINT IT HAHA. but its like u're getting to know that person and you grow closer but i guess it'll be a one sided thing. unless you bring up the topic when that person is awake/available and continue with it then yea it'll be really meaningful (:

i do love reading friends' blogs, i usually do when im feeling like this butbut it's just not the same? haha it is kinda, just not really.

anyway i think im ready to sleep, i should, my dad just came in to remind me to sleep. i have school tomorrow.

i wrote a long long post about quitting the internet cos it sucks AND THEN I CLICKED POST N THE POST DISAPPEARED HAHAAHAHHAHAHA MY THEORY PROVED

anyway basically, planning to stop using internet and devote more time to more meaingful stuff. like God and music and writing and reading and learning and studying and being there for people

HAHA BYE

i wish i was that type of girl that prances around and is always happy and bright, and when she meets with others, she makes them happy, she brightens up their day with a smile. and shes so lovely and caring and sensitive and perfect and she makes u feel like you're that special someone to her and you can't help but feel good even on bad days.

but im not, i just make mistakes over and over and i don't know how to handle situations and i dont know what will make you happy. i just be myself and im honest and i will tell you "i'm right here and i care" but i know its not enough because i don't really matter enough.

and its okay, im okay with it. my life doesnt suck, im actually happy, or at least i can be. but because you aren't, because everyone else doesnt seem to see how awesome life is even when it doesnt seem that way it feels like I FAILED like im alive but i don't serve a single purpose because i cant do this one little job, i cant cheer you up. i cant make you feel good.

i should lie more often, i should be a little sweeter, alittle kinder, alittle less weird (not possible), alittle more understanding, less lazy too.

:)

AND I NEED TO GET BACK ON THAT DIET THAT I HATH FORSAKEN AFTER ONE DAY HAHAHHA

does it make sense if i said my life sucks because other people are miserable? and i cant make them happy, it doesnt work, no ones happy. not really.

theres so many things wrong with me and i just need that one person to help set it right.

im so tired everyday i wanna just drop everything and cry myself to sleep

when will my turn come
to talk about stuff
that you tell me about

your wishes your dreams
they're all coming through
or at least on the way to being as such

and one day it'll be my turn
to say
i don't know what to do
but i'm so happy i could scream

but when would that day be
i'll wait for a dream

hello im tired all over again
its like a cycle that won't ever end
would you let me rest my head on you
would you let me rest

what if i said i was letting go
do we never ever wanna grow old
i don't want to, we don't have to
if you'd live inside a fantasy
we'd suffer like the children did
peter pan syndrome and your down with it

are you up for it?
one more try?
or should we give up now while the ground is dry
before the rain falls
i want rain falls
cos they chill your bones
soak your skin
it chills your bones
it means you live.

i'd made the move to disappoint
offer firsts give lasts so whats the point
of knowing you when you won't smile
because of me, no you won't smile

sex is everything and we both know it
the world is obsessed before they show it
i feel artistic so let me be
i feel like waves are crashing over me
and im swimming out to sea
on a drafted plank
from a sunken ship
where we'll meet

and where the moon will shine
all night
and we will let go let go let go of everything
just let go

and lose our way again
the snow falls falls into rain
i let her hand slide
she felt you underneath her skin
i let her hands
don't be mistaken
my jealousy's not yet taken a vacation
on the south west corner of the worldwide world
have you seen they said it was a miracle
but i don't believe it

and where the moon will shine
all night
and they will dance to the songs, they will dance
and let go

i want the JYJ album so bad right now, i dont think i've ever wanted a pop/r&b album so badly, and its not even DBSK doing a JAP/KOREAN album its just three of them doing an ENGLISH/ENGRISH

but so far what ive heard isnt too bad

thanks kanye hahahha.

AHHHHHHHHHHH NEED TO GET IT

AYYYYYYY GIRL


YEA YEA YEA DBSK IN ENGLISH YES YES YES SHIT HORRID LYRICS SONG IS QUITE OK BUT OMG DBSK

DBSK

i think i might be addicted to kpop

taking a break from math


i wanna style my hair, like dye it different colours

my favorite preference would of course be the fantasy white/platinum blonde (i actually asked my mum if i could do it, she said NO BLEACHING RUINS UR HAIR and got support from my hairdresser so oh well nvm)

like kyuhyun

or the ethereal jaejoong

or Haruma Miura (don't know who he is but omg he looks gorgeous blonde *.*

or like shock with red/orange and look like a carrot

as seen on magnae chansung (not very nice) and KEY DURING JULIETTE DAYS HAHAHA

but basic brown is okay. but i dunno, its so common? i just put this picture cos changmin is really really good looking. his hair is cool too

and obligatory jonghyun pic in hair post because his orange-white hair was really errr unique and shit OK ITS REALLY REALLY NICE i kinda got used to it after awhile, its my fav hairstyle on him

what am i saying, everything is my fav hairstyle on him he is amazing



anyway, i'll prob see what colour i can come up with for my hair after promos or smth

ok back to math

been trying to keep away from people again, just cos im in no mood to please :/ supposed to be studying BUT I HAVE NOT BEEN STUDYING HOHOHOHOHO

been spending my day just doing kpop stuff. alot of kpop stuff.
alot of ukiss
and shinee
ohshit im in love with shinee

kpop is actually bad in the sense its totally corny n meaningless, as far as most popular songs go. but the artistes are just so easy to fall in love with cos u can see their idol fronts and their real sides which really love, and its kinda awesome how they get to live both lives

so i will say it now: i really really wanna be a kpop star. because u can earn money and wear cool clothes. mostly because u get live breathe music MUSIC like singing and dancing and composing and u can still keep ur true self. n u dont have sing ur own crap songs, u sing and dance other people's cool material and look cool and feel cool and its alot of work but ahhh so fun. but being in a girlgroup would be weird cos the girls might be fake bitches or smth hahaha.

can someone make remake the StreetFighter movie? please? like a good one with all the characters? FOR MY SAKE PLEASE. HAHA.i am gg to find the old streetfighter movie and watch it again someday ahhh nostalgia

dear kpop, thanks for cheering me up with ur lame jokes haha (:

ukissWHOOOOOOOOOOOO

ok bye

"But it may have frightened you, and you may not have noticed that I love you."

"But I do love you -surely in a better way than he does. Yes- really in a better way. I want you to have your own thoughts even when I hold you in my arms. Lucy, be quick-there's no time for us to talk now- come to me as you came in the spring, and afterwards I will be gentle and explain. I cared for you since that man died. I cannot live without you. "No good," I thought: "she is marrying someone else"; but I meet you again when all the world is glorious water and sun. As you came through the wood, I saw that nothing else mattered. I called. I wanted to live and have my chance of joy."

"It is being young."


- George Emerson, A Room With A View, Novel by E.M. Forster

WHY SO ROMANTICCCCCCCCCC :)

hi

just here to say that im trying to detach myself from the world again, cos if i dont, i might just end up yelling at someone/throwing a phone at someone (i.e. russell crowe style)

so if you're reading this, and you're someone i know and am close to and if i made plans and broke them because ive cooped myself up at home, im very sorry i will make it up to you after i feel less sianzxzxz haha.

bye

it's raining big fat raindrops but i looked out the window and saw the most beautiful sky, the sun's still shining and the clouds look surreal and the sky's such a bright warm blue (:

it's the end of he "holidays", goodbye facebook, goodbye blog (for now). I shall try my best to remove all distractions and just lower my head and study those books.

bye

God gave me friends, so that i would know my faults, so that i can learn to change, to be better to always be improving.

He gave me friends so that i would learn to be happy, to know my good points, to realise that i have talents that i can use.

He gave me friends so i could learn how to live right, how to accept, how to appreciate, how to stop judging and look at the good side of everything.

He gave me friends so i could experience sitting at the oddest places with nothing much and yet have the time of my life in heart and in spirit through words and emotions.

He gave me friends to know that i am never alone.

i think im starting to come to terms with the fact that i don't mean half of what most of my friends mean to me. and its kinda because i tend to go overboard in everything that i do. im learning to change, and learning to understand that honesty is good but my way of thinking has to change.

i need to thank and pay attention to people who bother to waste their time to be with me, who actually want to be by my side, instead of pushing them away because i know i do. i never realised how much they mean to me, and now i do and i wish i could give them the world.

that includes my family, who are always taken for granted and its just wrong because i love them so much but i cant seem to express it. but i will try (:

and i have lit to do woohoo i shall do what i do best: procrastinate

im hungry but no one really cares

oh and i realise blogging makes me sound like a really emo serioius person with teenage problems and like inner dilemmas and blabla OMG HAHAHHAHA so odd

i suddenly feel very cut off from the world. like im watching from the other side of the glass. and im just sitting there watching and i want to go in but then again i dont, and im not sure, im never sure.

and the only thing i know is that i really don't want study, i cant anymore but i must but i don't want to and it makes me unhappy. i hate education, the idea of learning to get grades is stupid, i want to learn but not with this pressure. i honestly dont give a shit if i retain because at least i can gain new experiences if i go to a poly or drop out and work or something it doesnt matter.

im just very tired all the time. i wanna move out of my house, theres something repressive about it, i just feel miserable when im here and i try to do stuff but i just get distracted and then i end up not accomplishing anything and then feel like a failure.

i seriously want to scream, i want to run away from responsibility i want to actually do something that i know will help people or the world in some way. i don't want to be a waste of time i need to stop wasting my time. im so tired.

and i know that i'll feel better once i ignore all this shit but the shit is always gonna be there but whatever.

hi

today went cycling. i learnt to cycle for the 2nd time in my life. i realise, the reason i kept falling/stopping was because when there are cars/people/dustbins/longkang i get very nervous then i wobble then my bicycle wobbles then i fall down lor. hahaha then before i went home i was riding around my carpark n i realised if i jus rode without thinking, it was ok.

tonight was really fun! got to like just be crazy and actually do something out of the ordinary.

n my [twin (ok same age no one is older)] bro is awesome shizz ok MARCUS I KNOW U ARE READING THIS THANKS FOR CYCLING HOME WITH MEEEE haha i wish we cud've talked more but i was too busy trying not to kill everyone around me :p next time can we go cycling again? ahhahaa i realise its really damn fun.

MY BUTT DAMN PAIN. :(

i love campfire! like to watch the flames dance and stuff, under the dark sky (if only there were stars today) its like one of those moments in your life when the world actually is quiet even though its noisy and u're so close to nature even though you're not really. aiya jus dont think of the environmental harm caused by a large fire la.

haha. ok i srsly need to stop dreaming and start studying. lol at first i typed "i need to stop studying." i wish.

it's called the city lights and it's out to get u. it's there to show the world what beauty is and then take a picture with you so you look horrid as compared to it.

it tells you "here i stand, man made while you, a product of nature-"
and you know that there are some arguments that can't be won. but it changes, and people don't change, perhaps in shades and intensity but not significantly (and perhaps that's not such a bad thing but you never know).

there's such a thing as narcissm and in this day and age, we all live in it and have made a comfy house out of it and it sickens us, but we still stay there without actually knowing we are in it but constantly critisizing those around us. which thus leads to narcissm. haha the irony.

im still not comfortable with writing. :/

it's 5.08am, im doing PW but not really. haha good morning world