hi

just here to say that im trying to detach myself from the world again, cos if i dont, i might just end up yelling at someone/throwing a phone at someone (i.e. russell crowe style)

so if you're reading this, and you're someone i know and am close to and if i made plans and broke them because ive cooped myself up at home, im very sorry i will make it up to you after i feel less sianzxzxz haha.

bye

it's raining big fat raindrops but i looked out the window and saw the most beautiful sky, the sun's still shining and the clouds look surreal and the sky's such a bright warm blue (:

it's the end of he "holidays", goodbye facebook, goodbye blog (for now). I shall try my best to remove all distractions and just lower my head and study those books.

bye

God gave me friends, so that i would know my faults, so that i can learn to change, to be better to always be improving.

He gave me friends so that i would learn to be happy, to know my good points, to realise that i have talents that i can use.

He gave me friends so i could learn how to live right, how to accept, how to appreciate, how to stop judging and look at the good side of everything.

He gave me friends so i could experience sitting at the oddest places with nothing much and yet have the time of my life in heart and in spirit through words and emotions.

He gave me friends to know that i am never alone.

i think im starting to come to terms with the fact that i don't mean half of what most of my friends mean to me. and its kinda because i tend to go overboard in everything that i do. im learning to change, and learning to understand that honesty is good but my way of thinking has to change.

i need to thank and pay attention to people who bother to waste their time to be with me, who actually want to be by my side, instead of pushing them away because i know i do. i never realised how much they mean to me, and now i do and i wish i could give them the world.

that includes my family, who are always taken for granted and its just wrong because i love them so much but i cant seem to express it. but i will try (:

and i have lit to do woohoo i shall do what i do best: procrastinate

im hungry but no one really cares

oh and i realise blogging makes me sound like a really emo serioius person with teenage problems and like inner dilemmas and blabla OMG HAHAHHAHA so odd

i suddenly feel very cut off from the world. like im watching from the other side of the glass. and im just sitting there watching and i want to go in but then again i dont, and im not sure, im never sure.

and the only thing i know is that i really don't want study, i cant anymore but i must but i don't want to and it makes me unhappy. i hate education, the idea of learning to get grades is stupid, i want to learn but not with this pressure. i honestly dont give a shit if i retain because at least i can gain new experiences if i go to a poly or drop out and work or something it doesnt matter.

im just very tired all the time. i wanna move out of my house, theres something repressive about it, i just feel miserable when im here and i try to do stuff but i just get distracted and then i end up not accomplishing anything and then feel like a failure.

i seriously want to scream, i want to run away from responsibility i want to actually do something that i know will help people or the world in some way. i don't want to be a waste of time i need to stop wasting my time. im so tired.

and i know that i'll feel better once i ignore all this shit but the shit is always gonna be there but whatever.

hi

today went cycling. i learnt to cycle for the 2nd time in my life. i realise, the reason i kept falling/stopping was because when there are cars/people/dustbins/longkang i get very nervous then i wobble then my bicycle wobbles then i fall down lor. hahaha then before i went home i was riding around my carpark n i realised if i jus rode without thinking, it was ok.

tonight was really fun! got to like just be crazy and actually do something out of the ordinary.

n my [twin (ok same age no one is older)] bro is awesome shizz ok MARCUS I KNOW U ARE READING THIS THANKS FOR CYCLING HOME WITH MEEEE haha i wish we cud've talked more but i was too busy trying not to kill everyone around me :p next time can we go cycling again? ahhahaa i realise its really damn fun.

MY BUTT DAMN PAIN. :(

i love campfire! like to watch the flames dance and stuff, under the dark sky (if only there were stars today) its like one of those moments in your life when the world actually is quiet even though its noisy and u're so close to nature even though you're not really. aiya jus dont think of the environmental harm caused by a large fire la.

haha. ok i srsly need to stop dreaming and start studying. lol at first i typed "i need to stop studying." i wish.

it's called the city lights and it's out to get u. it's there to show the world what beauty is and then take a picture with you so you look horrid as compared to it.

it tells you "here i stand, man made while you, a product of nature-"
and you know that there are some arguments that can't be won. but it changes, and people don't change, perhaps in shades and intensity but not significantly (and perhaps that's not such a bad thing but you never know).

there's such a thing as narcissm and in this day and age, we all live in it and have made a comfy house out of it and it sickens us, but we still stay there without actually knowing we are in it but constantly critisizing those around us. which thus leads to narcissm. haha the irony.

im still not comfortable with writing. :/

it's 5.08am, im doing PW but not really. haha good morning world

i've always loved how the sky is always, without fail, picture perfect, even when there are dark clouds and it's raining or when the sun's beating down hard on all of us. it's always beautiful in every way and i always think, perhaps that's the closest to heaven i'll ever get.

i do think about death. partly because of religion and religion is basically living for life after death and not living just for the life right here righ now. and i do get scared. i think the whole idea of entering something that could end everything or could mean an eternity of fear and pain or an eternity of absolute bliss is so scary and still, we have no clue as to what really is going to happen. n because we don't know, it makes it scary and just so damn frightening.

plus we don't even know if we're up to God's standard. what really counts? He made us, sacrificed his only Son for us, so there's no way we could ever make it up to him. and we've got people like Mother Teresa and the saints and alot of other really good hearted people doing good deeds and trying and changing the world and here i am blogging, trying to get my work done, thinking about what it takes to survive, thinking about people, about popularity, getting mad at people, regretting friendships, regretting being who i am, thinking too much abt myself, being cold to some friends and not loving my family as much as i should.

argh ok im so tired la haha i wanted to say more stuff but it's really weird when i try to get back into the writing habit and all the reasons why i stopped blogging abt personal stuff come back to haunt me and its like fighting with myself.

ok goodnight (:

Down to the wire I wanted water but But I'll walk through the fire If this is what it takes To take me even higher Then I'll come through Like I do When the world keeps Testing me, testing me,testing me
~Vultures

mmm i love john mayer. haha his songs have so much soul :)

i realise whenever i consider future ambitions, musician always comes out. its one of the few crazy dreams i had when i was a kid. and im still a kid and im still dreaming. i love music but im not any good at it. i cant write and cant really sing so its not really possible for me to do music right? but i can always try. :/ i do love music but its understandable that the music industry is for people that actually have talent. which i have some, like a small mini bit of, but then thats it. and its stupid cos i have like a small bit of talent and like a large shitload of pride and i hate myself for that.

sigh.

i wish the world was split clearly into black and white. then u cud hate the ones who are evil n love the ones who are good. instead of hating and then realising that they arent really that bad, jus mean to u or watever. i dunno. if makes me feel rotten n stupid and judgmental but then how do u love a part of a person without encouraging the bad side?

oh shit. promos in like 4 weeks or smth.
must.
study.

:)

supposed to get up early today but didnt
planned to start work early but didnt
tried to finish my homework but got distracted and went to watch youtube videos on how to breakdance
supposed to just have an apple and a pear for lunch but ate that and a meal and other random stuff
supposed to feel good today but not really
not sure if i shud go for kpop night. well whatever tickets are left when promos are over then whatever. if none then obv i wont go
supposed to tell stuff to people but too tired to care
wish i could take all my holiday plans and break em

today, ms yao took one look at me, probably questioned my GP tutor/lit tutor's judgement and said: "erm and how bout u? u ok? u dont look like those enthusiastic type..."

HAHAHHA. its quite cool how the first impression people get of me is one that seems alittle off from the real thing. i think ppl think im quiet? and stuck up (i am acutally)? and like very anti social. which i am. but i can be social la if u need me to. like rah rah oo ma ma HAHA.

anyway i realise it really bothers me that my class girls are split into two main cliques. like wth really, i hate that. why cant we be like guys and just be totally bro with each other?

mehh.

i wish for alot of things but i dont have time to wish anymore.

!CYCLE CYCLE CYCLE!

"Men are like dogs – loyal buggers if you trick them into loving you.
Women are like cats – doesn’t matter what you’re saying. Ever tried meowing at a cat? The cat doesn’t care. It just wants attention and togetherness and maybe some tuna."

HAI MARCUS I KNOW U ARE READING THIS HAHAHHA. i am reposting it just because it is true. and im linking u HA! are u honoured?

hmm. i dont really know wat to blog about. prob have to change my layout back. haha its weird blogging and know that someones gonna read this. hahaha so nervous hahaha

OK. ANYWAY. i will study. ok end of story

and he has such an old name it's kinda funny and makes me think of nostalgia and things that have gone. and i wonder at the physics of the world and realise that God isn't fair. there are those that decieve and hurt but are given the liberty to do so. i would never hurt anyone if there are ever any that would want to look up towards me because i know i do not deserve it. no one should be placed on pedastals or buried into the ground. hardwork gets you respect but not the excuse to be an asshole. i wish i could please everyone and just let them know that look, im not any better than you but im here if u need me but if you don't then it's ok. time to forgive, time to change. and trust is such an important thing, that's why God gave friends.

i will work my ass off, physically, mentally, emotionally. train so i can run faster and not be afraid; learn so i can understand and not worry anyone; love so God will know that i love him and everything i do will be for Him.

and the next time we meet, i hope i'll be good enough (:

And it's you that I see but you don't see, and it's you that I hear so loud and so clear. Sing it loud and clear; I'll always be waiting for you.
~Shiver: Coldplay

im sad nowadays and just so so tired. what happened to purpose and life

y r u quiet, when u're so much better than me? y do u smile, if u're unhappy?

i love One Piece so so much

so everything in this novel is basically a sexual allusion? ok sure. i sometimes doubt what they call "literature" is something i should get involved with

eunhyuk's twitter picture is monkey d luffy hahahahahahaha coincidence/coincidence

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