i hate my life. i need coffee.

it is shit depressing that i cant do chem and it sucks that something as insignificant and unimportant in life (if you consider the big picture and the whole purpose of it) is bothering me i really really really hate schooling right now i want to give up i want to do something with my life

i wanted to tell him tell him tell him but i couldnt i want to tell him tell him tell him but i cant and i realise we are exposed to beauty so real and there but not actually existent in our own world we just view it so clearly as if through a clean sheet of glass that we cant get through like events we are aware of and make you think and make you tear and feel but you cant do anything about it except to feel and theres nothing you can do about it so why does it matter

today: i learnt that a falling man can fly but he was once human too

i wonder if anything is actually going to happen. something exciting and real, rather than just ideas exploding in my head. its like multiple possibilities but no way of knowing what will happen and all i can do is tell myself to have faith. but im much too impatient to shut up about it. change always comes with new things, new people. as much of an anti-people person i am, i actually am interested in human character and rather look forward to meeting new people. because the chances of meeting someone i can actually get along with is THERE and thats just better than nothing. i realise i really do like company. sort of like a common human trait so that makes me common and human. mm. i really love the night sky its like the most beautiful thing, i could stare at it for hours and feel closer to heaven. it would be nice if there was someone out there in the world thats as pointless and crazy as me HAHA

(:

and i officially suck at bio and chem i die i die

meow says:
eh friend
your blog also not bad
a bit mental
but not bad

everyone around me is dropping like flies; almost giving up, stress is seeping in and though i didnt feel it i do now thanks to mother's nagging. just a few things i lack right now: time, money, boyfriend, time, good grades

but if u put everything into perspective my life is awesome shizz HAHA

busy busy busy i have no time to think spent to much time thinking about how im busy busy busy and have no time to think because ive been spending too much thinking about how busy busy busy i am to even think

not exactly intellectual stuff to blog about but i saw a rat today for the first time in my life, like a real rat scurrying across a few metres from me. it was small and furry and just this furball running, i saw it for a few seconds but i thought it was pretty cool.

on another note, i have decided that i must date a musician (not instrumentalist, MUSICIAN) because he must be able to think beyond normal "boi thoughtzzz"

right nw stress is defined as waking up much later than expected, sick, disappointed, with a heap of crap homework/projects and i really wanna cry.

i love this video alot. i love how candid junsu is when he talks about the members and when he gets all shy. adorable boy is adorable. haha he just made my day (:

there are certain extents i am willing to go as a person and yet willing to hold back. for instance, i am a spoilt child, throwing tantrums, getting upset at the littlest thing out of plan but then at the same time i understand that happiness is a given choice, and every gift should be appreciated. and then when i fangirl, i understand that beauty=dbsk and junsu in everyway but i am grounded enough to know that a chance to know junsu as a real person is probably zilch. i do fall in love with the simplest things though, little actions that go unnoticed, genuine but flawed, sincerity is everything to me. when you do something but don't mean it, for the sake of being polite, i smile. when you do, when your heart is on your sleeve, i actually feel gratitude towards it, happiness becomes easily accessible and i live in a dream. so far, only few actually get me, and few i have actually gotten. yet, i am learning to change, to realise that it takes effort and sometimes effort is worth it. am i ready to conform to someone? go his way? perhaps that is the secret. but to me, it only works if he can see it, the sincerity of it and all that. and how many people could actually do that. i wonder if its true, that theres someone out there for everyone, a friend, a partner, someone someone. on another note, why is it that music attracts me so. i want it i want to submerge myself in it but i cant because losing myself again would be a big mistake. how do u be so many people if you are only one.

this is a stupid post about myself because i am a contemplative narcissist todayyyyyyyy

Hopefully one day i may get to attend a DBSK concert and i dont care if i end up at some spot really far away from the stage, when they play Rising Sun or Purple Line i swear i will just scream and sing my head off and dance and leap and unleash something that the world has never seen.


was looking through my old stuff, like songs i wrote in my notebook and stuff and can i just say i love growing up because when u look back its like another person doing it all. i personally find myself genius at writing this:

"You're like a pack of cigerattes, cause you smell when ignited."

it seems that the j1 & j2 years is the time for self improvement (more so on the appearance).

haha ok i will try my best to be good looking.

plan to study hard, be a good person, learn right from wrong and fall in love. so goodbye blog goodbye kpop (again) i will really try to quit u this time.

having the ability to read people easily makes you feel like you have one up over others when in actual fact, we're all on the same level. After all, like liars, it takes one to know one

WHY ISIT THAT THERE ARE GUYS WHO ARE SHY AND SCARED AROUND PPL THEY LIKE I DONT GET IT SERIOUSLY ITS SUPPOSED TO B THE OTHER WAY AROUND IF U LIKE HER JUST TELL HER I AM RANTING BUT HONESTLY IF I LIKED SOMEONE I WOULD TELL HIM AND NOT MOP BUT IM SORRY I HAVE NO PROOF COS I DONT HAVE ANY ONE TO LIKE (:

school is starting to piss me off and give me little hope in the human race.

i love sincerity. i love people who wear their hearts on their sleeves because i love being able to read people. i love genuine smiles. i would like to know how you think of me; i would like to know that you talk to me because it works not because u're obliged to.

i love dbsk because they are beautiful in every sense of the word.

languages will be the death of me.

i think in english, am required to do well in mandarin, i love a korean group who can converse in japanese and i want and need to learn teochew

why so awesome, 동방신기?

to me, saying "im fine" even tho u feel like crap is the nicest thing u could do to a stranger but the worst you could do to a friend

school is killing me. it is boring, the people i've met so far are nice but i cant connect to them at all and it makes me sad. maybe im the problem.but whatever. im not lonely, but im severely bored and its pushing me to the point where im falling for some J2 guy i dont even know HAHA

the love of my life (not really) is coming to town sometime in april/march and so stalking i will go. sorry mum and dad, for all the shame i will eventually cause