merry christmas!

happy boxing day haha. got a guitar for christmas:) an accoustic one. it is pretty and the sound is just really good my heart cries when i hear it i swear no joke the sound is that awesome asdfghjklajdlajs. haha i love my mum and dad :)

my bro got some cool game thing that you attach to ur xbox n then voila u play without a controller but using ur body movements. i... did not know technology like this was already being sold commercially so it kinda blew my mind HAHA i feel outdated.

anyway christmas over! new year coming, im excited! last year at jc it will be a bittersweet one i hope. i love you all!

off to another long period of interweb abstainence cos i can

Hello sleepless nights and plastic walls
injured souls and curtain calls
u whispered things that I could hear
I chose the path to where it'll lead

playing God never goes right
the sun is dead during the night
I had my sights set on content
now I'm the bad guy

If we lived In absolutes
I wanna live in absolutes
I wanna live in black n white
and u could choose your side

just this morning I asked You
why couldn't this be alittle more simple
I thot I had it figured out
but u make sure I don't build that tower

it's past the time i should sleep
I haven't time to feel the need
I haven't time
I have no time

A christmas post cos it's chritstmas in a few days

Was gonna pos a letter to God but posting it on a public space felt like inwas bragging that I was better than everyone.

Anyway MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope everyone has a good one :) I live Christmas cos it reminds us that we aren't alone, that God sent his only Son down here to earth just to suffer and die cos WE COULD BE SAVED. It's just amazing.

I wonder if anyone still reads my blog HAHA HI THR BORED PERSON GET OFF THE INTERNET N GO DO SMTH WORTHWHILE LA. anyway just wanna say thanks for reading my blog. N if consider me a friend, thanks for being my friend. I treasure everyone that bothers to bother about me because it matters to me. I feel forunate cos if u so THANK YOU GOD BLESS I LOVE YOU MERRY CHRISTMAS :) I hope that I can be capable of making you happy I will try my best :D

Resolutions for the new year? Same as always. Become a better person, be there for friends, family, be a better Catholic, study hard and do well, get rid of arrogance and be happy and make others happy.

so



there's a thousand reasons for you to stay. even if you lacked the simplest things or the most complicated. even if you watched the television teach you how to love and you realise that you don't have it, and you feel empty and stupid, there's still a reason to live.



i've learnt that from You. that what we see isn't what we should live by. the world is tricked into thinking that everyone's life must be lived out that certain way. rich beautiful in love perfect. it's what we dream of, that ideal dream that ideal life but it just makes us feel like we fall short all the time.



i don't know where to start. that's the problem. i don't do starts, i do intermediates haha. i work off other people. i can't start of a conversation and immediately give a spectacular impression. people think im stuck up or foolish or unfeeling or weird. it's like some messed up role i play. give me a script, i'll play from a role. but life doesn't write one for you, so i end up being a mix of personalities it's kind of messed up. i don't have an identity. who i am is not being a single original idea, i steal from the people around me and twist it to fit myself. perhaps its laziness? haha probably.



from now on, im going to use this blog to write letters to God. was planning to do it on a notebook but I HATE MY HANDWRITING HAHA. the thought of writing in my handwriting makes me cringe hoho. ok im hungry and tired. hope i don't fall sick.

cant wait for monday to be over.

i wish the guys that i ahem like/admire/have a crush on/whatever you may call it, have blogs. then at times like this when im tired and its late but i dont want to go to sleep cos i feel like i should be feeling something that i dont so i should stay up til i find that feeling. if they/he had blog(s) i would go read it and i'd feel much better. cos i know i wont feel anything but happiness just to be able to know what he's thinking. its like talking to that person without talking to that person CREEPY AINT IT HAHA. but its like u're getting to know that person and you grow closer but i guess it'll be a one sided thing. unless you bring up the topic when that person is awake/available and continue with it then yea it'll be really meaningful (:

i do love reading friends' blogs, i usually do when im feeling like this butbut it's just not the same? haha it is kinda, just not really.

anyway i think im ready to sleep, i should, my dad just came in to remind me to sleep. i have school tomorrow.

i wrote a long long post about quitting the internet cos it sucks AND THEN I CLICKED POST N THE POST DISAPPEARED HAHAAHAHHAHAHA MY THEORY PROVED

anyway basically, planning to stop using internet and devote more time to more meaingful stuff. like God and music and writing and reading and learning and studying and being there for people

HAHA BYE

i wish i was that type of girl that prances around and is always happy and bright, and when she meets with others, she makes them happy, she brightens up their day with a smile. and shes so lovely and caring and sensitive and perfect and she makes u feel like you're that special someone to her and you can't help but feel good even on bad days.

but im not, i just make mistakes over and over and i don't know how to handle situations and i dont know what will make you happy. i just be myself and im honest and i will tell you "i'm right here and i care" but i know its not enough because i don't really matter enough.

and its okay, im okay with it. my life doesnt suck, im actually happy, or at least i can be. but because you aren't, because everyone else doesnt seem to see how awesome life is even when it doesnt seem that way it feels like I FAILED like im alive but i don't serve a single purpose because i cant do this one little job, i cant cheer you up. i cant make you feel good.

i should lie more often, i should be a little sweeter, alittle kinder, alittle less weird (not possible), alittle more understanding, less lazy too.

:)

AND I NEED TO GET BACK ON THAT DIET THAT I HATH FORSAKEN AFTER ONE DAY HAHAHHA

does it make sense if i said my life sucks because other people are miserable? and i cant make them happy, it doesnt work, no ones happy. not really.

theres so many things wrong with me and i just need that one person to help set it right.

im so tired everyday i wanna just drop everything and cry myself to sleep

when will my turn come
to talk about stuff
that you tell me about

your wishes your dreams
they're all coming through
or at least on the way to being as such

and one day it'll be my turn
to say
i don't know what to do
but i'm so happy i could scream

but when would that day be
i'll wait for a dream

hello im tired all over again
its like a cycle that won't ever end
would you let me rest my head on you
would you let me rest

what if i said i was letting go
do we never ever wanna grow old
i don't want to, we don't have to
if you'd live inside a fantasy
we'd suffer like the children did
peter pan syndrome and your down with it

are you up for it?
one more try?
or should we give up now while the ground is dry
before the rain falls
i want rain falls
cos they chill your bones
soak your skin
it chills your bones
it means you live.

i'd made the move to disappoint
offer firsts give lasts so whats the point
of knowing you when you won't smile
because of me, no you won't smile

sex is everything and we both know it
the world is obsessed before they show it
i feel artistic so let me be
i feel like waves are crashing over me
and im swimming out to sea
on a drafted plank
from a sunken ship
where we'll meet

and where the moon will shine
all night
and we will let go let go let go of everything
just let go

and lose our way again
the snow falls falls into rain
i let her hand slide
she felt you underneath her skin
i let her hands
don't be mistaken
my jealousy's not yet taken a vacation
on the south west corner of the worldwide world
have you seen they said it was a miracle
but i don't believe it

and where the moon will shine
all night
and they will dance to the songs, they will dance
and let go

i want the JYJ album so bad right now, i dont think i've ever wanted a pop/r&b album so badly, and its not even DBSK doing a JAP/KOREAN album its just three of them doing an ENGLISH/ENGRISH

but so far what ive heard isnt too bad

thanks kanye hahahha.

AHHHHHHHHHHH NEED TO GET IT

AYYYYYYY GIRL


YEA YEA YEA DBSK IN ENGLISH YES YES YES SHIT HORRID LYRICS SONG IS QUITE OK BUT OMG DBSK

DBSK

i think i might be addicted to kpop

taking a break from math


i wanna style my hair, like dye it different colours

my favorite preference would of course be the fantasy white/platinum blonde (i actually asked my mum if i could do it, she said NO BLEACHING RUINS UR HAIR and got support from my hairdresser so oh well nvm)

like kyuhyun

or the ethereal jaejoong

or Haruma Miura (don't know who he is but omg he looks gorgeous blonde *.*

or like shock with red/orange and look like a carrot

as seen on magnae chansung (not very nice) and KEY DURING JULIETTE DAYS HAHAHA

but basic brown is okay. but i dunno, its so common? i just put this picture cos changmin is really really good looking. his hair is cool too

and obligatory jonghyun pic in hair post because his orange-white hair was really errr unique and shit OK ITS REALLY REALLY NICE i kinda got used to it after awhile, its my fav hairstyle on him

what am i saying, everything is my fav hairstyle on him he is amazing



anyway, i'll prob see what colour i can come up with for my hair after promos or smth

ok back to math

been trying to keep away from people again, just cos im in no mood to please :/ supposed to be studying BUT I HAVE NOT BEEN STUDYING HOHOHOHOHO

been spending my day just doing kpop stuff. alot of kpop stuff.
alot of ukiss
and shinee
ohshit im in love with shinee

kpop is actually bad in the sense its totally corny n meaningless, as far as most popular songs go. but the artistes are just so easy to fall in love with cos u can see their idol fronts and their real sides which really love, and its kinda awesome how they get to live both lives

so i will say it now: i really really wanna be a kpop star. because u can earn money and wear cool clothes. mostly because u get live breathe music MUSIC like singing and dancing and composing and u can still keep ur true self. n u dont have sing ur own crap songs, u sing and dance other people's cool material and look cool and feel cool and its alot of work but ahhh so fun. but being in a girlgroup would be weird cos the girls might be fake bitches or smth hahaha.

can someone make remake the StreetFighter movie? please? like a good one with all the characters? FOR MY SAKE PLEASE. HAHA.i am gg to find the old streetfighter movie and watch it again someday ahhh nostalgia

dear kpop, thanks for cheering me up with ur lame jokes haha (:

ukissWHOOOOOOOOOOOO

ok bye

"But it may have frightened you, and you may not have noticed that I love you."

"But I do love you -surely in a better way than he does. Yes- really in a better way. I want you to have your own thoughts even when I hold you in my arms. Lucy, be quick-there's no time for us to talk now- come to me as you came in the spring, and afterwards I will be gentle and explain. I cared for you since that man died. I cannot live without you. "No good," I thought: "she is marrying someone else"; but I meet you again when all the world is glorious water and sun. As you came through the wood, I saw that nothing else mattered. I called. I wanted to live and have my chance of joy."

"It is being young."


- George Emerson, A Room With A View, Novel by E.M. Forster

WHY SO ROMANTICCCCCCCCCC :)

hi

just here to say that im trying to detach myself from the world again, cos if i dont, i might just end up yelling at someone/throwing a phone at someone (i.e. russell crowe style)

so if you're reading this, and you're someone i know and am close to and if i made plans and broke them because ive cooped myself up at home, im very sorry i will make it up to you after i feel less sianzxzxz haha.

bye

it's raining big fat raindrops but i looked out the window and saw the most beautiful sky, the sun's still shining and the clouds look surreal and the sky's such a bright warm blue (:

it's the end of he "holidays", goodbye facebook, goodbye blog (for now). I shall try my best to remove all distractions and just lower my head and study those books.

bye

God gave me friends, so that i would know my faults, so that i can learn to change, to be better to always be improving.

He gave me friends so that i would learn to be happy, to know my good points, to realise that i have talents that i can use.

He gave me friends so i could learn how to live right, how to accept, how to appreciate, how to stop judging and look at the good side of everything.

He gave me friends so i could experience sitting at the oddest places with nothing much and yet have the time of my life in heart and in spirit through words and emotions.

He gave me friends to know that i am never alone.

i think im starting to come to terms with the fact that i don't mean half of what most of my friends mean to me. and its kinda because i tend to go overboard in everything that i do. im learning to change, and learning to understand that honesty is good but my way of thinking has to change.

i need to thank and pay attention to people who bother to waste their time to be with me, who actually want to be by my side, instead of pushing them away because i know i do. i never realised how much they mean to me, and now i do and i wish i could give them the world.

that includes my family, who are always taken for granted and its just wrong because i love them so much but i cant seem to express it. but i will try (:

and i have lit to do woohoo i shall do what i do best: procrastinate

im hungry but no one really cares

oh and i realise blogging makes me sound like a really emo serioius person with teenage problems and like inner dilemmas and blabla OMG HAHAHHAHA so odd

i suddenly feel very cut off from the world. like im watching from the other side of the glass. and im just sitting there watching and i want to go in but then again i dont, and im not sure, im never sure.

and the only thing i know is that i really don't want study, i cant anymore but i must but i don't want to and it makes me unhappy. i hate education, the idea of learning to get grades is stupid, i want to learn but not with this pressure. i honestly dont give a shit if i retain because at least i can gain new experiences if i go to a poly or drop out and work or something it doesnt matter.

im just very tired all the time. i wanna move out of my house, theres something repressive about it, i just feel miserable when im here and i try to do stuff but i just get distracted and then i end up not accomplishing anything and then feel like a failure.

i seriously want to scream, i want to run away from responsibility i want to actually do something that i know will help people or the world in some way. i don't want to be a waste of time i need to stop wasting my time. im so tired.

and i know that i'll feel better once i ignore all this shit but the shit is always gonna be there but whatever.

hi

today went cycling. i learnt to cycle for the 2nd time in my life. i realise, the reason i kept falling/stopping was because when there are cars/people/dustbins/longkang i get very nervous then i wobble then my bicycle wobbles then i fall down lor. hahaha then before i went home i was riding around my carpark n i realised if i jus rode without thinking, it was ok.

tonight was really fun! got to like just be crazy and actually do something out of the ordinary.

n my [twin (ok same age no one is older)] bro is awesome shizz ok MARCUS I KNOW U ARE READING THIS THANKS FOR CYCLING HOME WITH MEEEE haha i wish we cud've talked more but i was too busy trying not to kill everyone around me :p next time can we go cycling again? ahhahaa i realise its really damn fun.

MY BUTT DAMN PAIN. :(

i love campfire! like to watch the flames dance and stuff, under the dark sky (if only there were stars today) its like one of those moments in your life when the world actually is quiet even though its noisy and u're so close to nature even though you're not really. aiya jus dont think of the environmental harm caused by a large fire la.

haha. ok i srsly need to stop dreaming and start studying. lol at first i typed "i need to stop studying." i wish.

it's called the city lights and it's out to get u. it's there to show the world what beauty is and then take a picture with you so you look horrid as compared to it.

it tells you "here i stand, man made while you, a product of nature-"
and you know that there are some arguments that can't be won. but it changes, and people don't change, perhaps in shades and intensity but not significantly (and perhaps that's not such a bad thing but you never know).

there's such a thing as narcissm and in this day and age, we all live in it and have made a comfy house out of it and it sickens us, but we still stay there without actually knowing we are in it but constantly critisizing those around us. which thus leads to narcissm. haha the irony.

im still not comfortable with writing. :/

it's 5.08am, im doing PW but not really. haha good morning world

i've always loved how the sky is always, without fail, picture perfect, even when there are dark clouds and it's raining or when the sun's beating down hard on all of us. it's always beautiful in every way and i always think, perhaps that's the closest to heaven i'll ever get.

i do think about death. partly because of religion and religion is basically living for life after death and not living just for the life right here righ now. and i do get scared. i think the whole idea of entering something that could end everything or could mean an eternity of fear and pain or an eternity of absolute bliss is so scary and still, we have no clue as to what really is going to happen. n because we don't know, it makes it scary and just so damn frightening.

plus we don't even know if we're up to God's standard. what really counts? He made us, sacrificed his only Son for us, so there's no way we could ever make it up to him. and we've got people like Mother Teresa and the saints and alot of other really good hearted people doing good deeds and trying and changing the world and here i am blogging, trying to get my work done, thinking about what it takes to survive, thinking about people, about popularity, getting mad at people, regretting friendships, regretting being who i am, thinking too much abt myself, being cold to some friends and not loving my family as much as i should.

argh ok im so tired la haha i wanted to say more stuff but it's really weird when i try to get back into the writing habit and all the reasons why i stopped blogging abt personal stuff come back to haunt me and its like fighting with myself.

ok goodnight (:

Down to the wire I wanted water but But I'll walk through the fire If this is what it takes To take me even higher Then I'll come through Like I do When the world keeps Testing me, testing me,testing me
~Vultures

mmm i love john mayer. haha his songs have so much soul :)

i realise whenever i consider future ambitions, musician always comes out. its one of the few crazy dreams i had when i was a kid. and im still a kid and im still dreaming. i love music but im not any good at it. i cant write and cant really sing so its not really possible for me to do music right? but i can always try. :/ i do love music but its understandable that the music industry is for people that actually have talent. which i have some, like a small mini bit of, but then thats it. and its stupid cos i have like a small bit of talent and like a large shitload of pride and i hate myself for that.

sigh.

i wish the world was split clearly into black and white. then u cud hate the ones who are evil n love the ones who are good. instead of hating and then realising that they arent really that bad, jus mean to u or watever. i dunno. if makes me feel rotten n stupid and judgmental but then how do u love a part of a person without encouraging the bad side?

oh shit. promos in like 4 weeks or smth.
must.
study.

:)

supposed to get up early today but didnt
planned to start work early but didnt
tried to finish my homework but got distracted and went to watch youtube videos on how to breakdance
supposed to just have an apple and a pear for lunch but ate that and a meal and other random stuff
supposed to feel good today but not really
not sure if i shud go for kpop night. well whatever tickets are left when promos are over then whatever. if none then obv i wont go
supposed to tell stuff to people but too tired to care
wish i could take all my holiday plans and break em

today, ms yao took one look at me, probably questioned my GP tutor/lit tutor's judgement and said: "erm and how bout u? u ok? u dont look like those enthusiastic type..."

HAHAHHA. its quite cool how the first impression people get of me is one that seems alittle off from the real thing. i think ppl think im quiet? and stuck up (i am acutally)? and like very anti social. which i am. but i can be social la if u need me to. like rah rah oo ma ma HAHA.

anyway i realise it really bothers me that my class girls are split into two main cliques. like wth really, i hate that. why cant we be like guys and just be totally bro with each other?

mehh.

i wish for alot of things but i dont have time to wish anymore.

!CYCLE CYCLE CYCLE!

"Men are like dogs – loyal buggers if you trick them into loving you.
Women are like cats – doesn’t matter what you’re saying. Ever tried meowing at a cat? The cat doesn’t care. It just wants attention and togetherness and maybe some tuna."

HAI MARCUS I KNOW U ARE READING THIS HAHAHHA. i am reposting it just because it is true. and im linking u HA! are u honoured?

hmm. i dont really know wat to blog about. prob have to change my layout back. haha its weird blogging and know that someones gonna read this. hahaha so nervous hahaha

OK. ANYWAY. i will study. ok end of story

and he has such an old name it's kinda funny and makes me think of nostalgia and things that have gone. and i wonder at the physics of the world and realise that God isn't fair. there are those that decieve and hurt but are given the liberty to do so. i would never hurt anyone if there are ever any that would want to look up towards me because i know i do not deserve it. no one should be placed on pedastals or buried into the ground. hardwork gets you respect but not the excuse to be an asshole. i wish i could please everyone and just let them know that look, im not any better than you but im here if u need me but if you don't then it's ok. time to forgive, time to change. and trust is such an important thing, that's why God gave friends.

i will work my ass off, physically, mentally, emotionally. train so i can run faster and not be afraid; learn so i can understand and not worry anyone; love so God will know that i love him and everything i do will be for Him.

and the next time we meet, i hope i'll be good enough (:

And it's you that I see but you don't see, and it's you that I hear so loud and so clear. Sing it loud and clear; I'll always be waiting for you.
~Shiver: Coldplay

im sad nowadays and just so so tired. what happened to purpose and life

y r u quiet, when u're so much better than me? y do u smile, if u're unhappy?

i love One Piece so so much

so everything in this novel is basically a sexual allusion? ok sure. i sometimes doubt what they call "literature" is something i should get involved with

eunhyuk's twitter picture is monkey d luffy hahahahahahaha coincidence/coincidence

준수씨, 보고싶어요.

wish thr was a korean tv show for all of us; we'd all get paired up n either fall in love or something close

whoo. but i'm tired. still, whoo.

stop sitting around doing nothing. get your life back.

most of the time i just waste most of the time

after my 'A's are over, imma go to korea and be at the Han River everynight and wait for something magical to happen

忘れないで。

（ゆめ）

i was reminded today how it is easy for guys to joke with each other and like tease and kid around even at times when one of them is really thankful and it doesnt come off as unappreciative but i could see how "brotherly" it was and how the guy was genuinely happy and both of them had this tacit agreement that they both care for each other.and the friendship is to the point where they can say anything at anytime whether it may be nonsense or really really personal stuff and its fine. with girls its still there but alittle more complicated and somehow i am more touched when i see the camaradarie between guys. sigh. i am and will always be slightly envious. but im glad ive grown closer to people.

and i really wish i had really high EQ. or at least like a sentence that i could say to cheer people up. because i hate it when people i love are feeling down and it doesnt work when i try to cheer them up because im so bad at it but i wish i could help but i cant ):

from now on, i resolve to be nicer, the be there for people. n to stop suaning feroz cos its just plain mean (:

GOODBYE INTERNET. YOU ARE A COMPLETE WASTE OF MY LIFE, I WILL NO LONGER ABUSE U TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF HAHA.

:D see u next year.

what happened to quiet intervals in conversations held under the stars because i miss that i miss being safe and being honest and complaining about selfishness while being selfish. what happened to creating memories. what happened to me.

im still a young immature kid, (almost) crying over losing friends who you remember promising to never not be friends with, to keep on being honest with and everything, but then it ends and things change and then you just learn to take steps back

and bump into new people.

but you never forget :)

i am excessive and you are insistive. slipping into that self conscious selfishness again, the world won't wait for me to learn my lessons and change my ways. and everything is in fluctuation. whats right and what's wrong;

oh wait this is the guilt talking. or perhaps the fact that i have 3 hours to sleep.

i despise change, and endings. when things arent what they were and you're losing it to the past. i hate when you hang up and you think about the conversation that passed and listen to the sound of the dead line. but the problem with not letting go is that its... selfish

i realise i really need someone there, to hold my hand and lead me along, to tell me to keep going, to keep me happy even when im working, because my priorities are all messed up i am on a slippery slope.

im going to be totally immature right now and act like some young teenage girl even though im smarter than this but whatever but whatever. i wonder if i'll ever fall in love. i wonder if love exists already, or it is to be created. i am aware of love from friends, God, family but now im being immature so let me talk about romantic love like boy girl stuff like teenage stuff ok lets be superficial and shallow for this while. i wonder if i'll ever fall in love. or fall into the idea of what love should be. i wonder what love is. i wonder if u really really like the person truly, like every fault and every thing every feature or just the idea of it or just the person in general. does society's idea of love shape relationships. are we meant to acknowledge a person as a lover merely because of courting and of touch and of words. i don't know. do we truly romantically love a person? what does that even mean. does fate really matter. i wonder if it does. haha honestly its not going really well in my favour haha. and does love mean that we have to lower expectations? or just wait? must i let go and just accept that i am not extremely attractive and thus perhaps not worthy of being with the people that i "fall" for. like crush on. plus is crushing even right? because we judge by appearance right? but i can sort of see his character and i kind of am attracted to it. but what if he isnt really like what i think he is. so im wrong? so everything just has to happen? so i just wait? but what if its perfect. haha i am impatient. butbutbut. i dont know why i even bother.

THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD WHY AM I LIKE THIS

i wonder if he sees me,
or if he sees through me.
i wonder if this is healthy

or if it would mean anything

in the end?

need to set my priorities right. what with DBSK, MM, pre-u, basically school stuff and music leaving me rather disappointed, i shall set a new set of goals:

-God
-Studies. studystudystudy
-Japanese. studystudystudy
-just being a better person. making others happy (:

after JC i hope i'll free time to catch up on stuff like piano,diving,writing, reading.. and maybe i'll join more church stuff.

ok im feeling abit more organized now

i need to stop eating everytime i feel down. or happy. hahahaha OK


THREE MEALS PER DAY OKAY THATS IT.

i can kinda get why people label kpop "gay". most of the idols are wayyy prettier than some girls and the whole group dance routines arent exactly super masculine all the time. the english lyrics (so elastic) of those super catchy songs by idols are ridiculous, their performances are sometimes gimmicky(guitars not plugged in) and downright horrid(SNSD)... i get it i get it it is kinda corny. but u cant say rock isnt gimmicky. a guy strutting on stage like he is god is only justified because he actually has talent to play a musical instrument but its still pretty damn stupid and narcissistic if you look at it. plus then certain kpop idols are actually TALENTED (e.g. DBSK, DBSK and DBSK) and personally i would marry any kpop idol than a messed up drugged musician.

and i think everyone would agree that pete wentz vs any kpop idol group in gayness, pete wins hands down.

i prefer guys with their morals in place who look pretty and act "gay" rather than manly assholes who act cool. kpop idols win because majority of them are as honest (they arent afraid to be their goofy, sometimes insecure selves) and humble and normal and so gosh darn lovable.

its sad that people get such a bad impression of kpop. it actually has such a beautiful side. music always does

i want him to put me in his pocket so he can carry me around everywhereanywhere and i can listen to his voice everydayanyday because it is all i ever want; just to be there, by his side and he will sing me to sleep.

i wonder what it's like to date/be nichkhun he is freaking godly how is that humanly possible

i hate my life. i need coffee.

it is shit depressing that i cant do chem and it sucks that something as insignificant and unimportant in life (if you consider the big picture and the whole purpose of it) is bothering me i really really really hate schooling right now i want to give up i want to do something with my life

i wanted to tell him tell him tell him but i couldnt i want to tell him tell him tell him but i cant and i realise we are exposed to beauty so real and there but not actually existent in our own world we just view it so clearly as if through a clean sheet of glass that we cant get through like events we are aware of and make you think and make you tear and feel but you cant do anything about it except to feel and theres nothing you can do about it so why does it matter

today: i learnt that a falling man can fly but he was once human too

i wonder if anything is actually going to happen. something exciting and real, rather than just ideas exploding in my head. its like multiple possibilities but no way of knowing what will happen and all i can do is tell myself to have faith. but im much too impatient to shut up about it. change always comes with new things, new people. as much of an anti-people person i am, i actually am interested in human character and rather look forward to meeting new people. because the chances of meeting someone i can actually get along with is THERE and thats just better than nothing. i realise i really do like company. sort of like a common human trait so that makes me common and human. mm. i really love the night sky its like the most beautiful thing, i could stare at it for hours and feel closer to heaven. it would be nice if there was someone out there in the world thats as pointless and crazy as me HAHA

(:

and i officially suck at bio and chem i die i die

meow says:
eh friend
your blog also not bad
a bit mental
but not bad

everyone around me is dropping like flies; almost giving up, stress is seeping in and though i didnt feel it i do now thanks to mother's nagging. just a few things i lack right now: time, money, boyfriend, time, good grades

but if u put everything into perspective my life is awesome shizz HAHA

busy busy busy i have no time to think spent to much time thinking about how im busy busy busy and have no time to think because ive been spending too much thinking about how busy busy busy i am to even think

not exactly intellectual stuff to blog about but i saw a rat today for the first time in my life, like a real rat scurrying across a few metres from me. it was small and furry and just this furball running, i saw it for a few seconds but i thought it was pretty cool.

on another note, i have decided that i must date a musician (not instrumentalist, MUSICIAN) because he must be able to think beyond normal "boi thoughtzzz"

right nw stress is defined as waking up much later than expected, sick, disappointed, with a heap of crap homework/projects and i really wanna cry.

i love this video alot. i love how candid junsu is when he talks about the members and when he gets all shy. adorable boy is adorable. haha he just made my day (:

there are certain extents i am willing to go as a person and yet willing to hold back. for instance, i am a spoilt child, throwing tantrums, getting upset at the littlest thing out of plan but then at the same time i understand that happiness is a given choice, and every gift should be appreciated. and then when i fangirl, i understand that beauty=dbsk and junsu in everyway but i am grounded enough to know that a chance to know junsu as a real person is probably zilch. i do fall in love with the simplest things though, little actions that go unnoticed, genuine but flawed, sincerity is everything to me. when you do something but don't mean it, for the sake of being polite, i smile. when you do, when your heart is on your sleeve, i actually feel gratitude towards it, happiness becomes easily accessible and i live in a dream. so far, only few actually get me, and few i have actually gotten. yet, i am learning to change, to realise that it takes effort and sometimes effort is worth it. am i ready to conform to someone? go his way? perhaps that is the secret. but to me, it only works if he can see it, the sincerity of it and all that. and how many people could actually do that. i wonder if its true, that theres someone out there for everyone, a friend, a partner, someone someone. on another note, why is it that music attracts me so. i want it i want to submerge myself in it but i cant because losing myself again would be a big mistake. how do u be so many people if you are only one.

this is a stupid post about myself because i am a contemplative narcissist todayyyyyyyy

Hopefully one day i may get to attend a DBSK concert and i dont care if i end up at some spot really far away from the stage, when they play Rising Sun or Purple Line i swear i will just scream and sing my head off and dance and leap and unleash something that the world has never seen.


was looking through my old stuff, like songs i wrote in my notebook and stuff and can i just say i love growing up because when u look back its like another person doing it all. i personally find myself genius at writing this:

"You're like a pack of cigerattes, cause you smell when ignited."

it seems that the j1 & j2 years is the time for self improvement (more so on the appearance).

haha ok i will try my best to be good looking.

plan to study hard, be a good person, learn right from wrong and fall in love. so goodbye blog goodbye kpop (again) i will really try to quit u this time.

having the ability to read people easily makes you feel like you have one up over others when in actual fact, we're all on the same level. After all, like liars, it takes one to know one

WHY ISIT THAT THERE ARE GUYS WHO ARE SHY AND SCARED AROUND PPL THEY LIKE I DONT GET IT SERIOUSLY ITS SUPPOSED TO B THE OTHER WAY AROUND IF U LIKE HER JUST TELL HER I AM RANTING BUT HONESTLY IF I LIKED SOMEONE I WOULD TELL HIM AND NOT MOP BUT IM SORRY I HAVE NO PROOF COS I DONT HAVE ANY ONE TO LIKE (:

school is starting to piss me off and give me little hope in the human race.

i love sincerity. i love people who wear their hearts on their sleeves because i love being able to read people. i love genuine smiles. i would like to know how you think of me; i would like to know that you talk to me because it works not because u're obliged to.

i love dbsk because they are beautiful in every sense of the word.

languages will be the death of me.

i think in english, am required to do well in mandarin, i love a korean group who can converse in japanese and i want and need to learn teochew

why so awesome, 동방신기?

to me, saying "im fine" even tho u feel like crap is the nicest thing u could do to a stranger but the worst you could do to a friend

school is killing me. it is boring, the people i've met so far are nice but i cant connect to them at all and it makes me sad. maybe im the problem.but whatever. im not lonely, but im severely bored and its pushing me to the point where im falling for some J2 guy i dont even know HAHA

the love of my life (not really) is coming to town sometime in april/march and so stalking i will go. sorry mum and dad, for all the shame i will eventually cause

"you dont like SNSD?"

"WHAT? are u crazy? what guy wouldnt like snsd!"

men. >:/ how somewhat disappointing.

YAY I HAS POSTED ZIS

I AMZ KYNG


new school year means being with strangers who know nothing about you and those little chances to explode into the real person i am, makes me so happy.

these people make me burst into a smile wihout fail:
-jenn
-mel
-clare
-darrylin
-corinne
-junsu

hello freedom, we meet again

nought but a few glimpses of it
yet
i wonder how will you taste

jj needs rest, all i see is a tired boy under that orangey hair

OH MY.

can u spot junsu and hyukjae?

wow.

anyway. back to school so goodbye blog :)

if theres one benefit to my academic studies commencing a day from now, it is that it might pull me out from dongbang world. because i honestly need to GET OUT IT IS EATING ME ALIIIIIIVE. i am helplessly falling in love with five men from a foreign country who don't even speak english and this is just me among 800 000 fangirls and more? AAAAHHH. anyway, if the world doesnt end in 2012, im considering going to live in korea for awhile and walk along the han river every night.

"are you undergoing puberty?"

HAHA COFFEE PRINCE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IF ANYONE ASKS, YOU ARE MY FAVORITE SHOW EVER

According to an article that states that according to junsu's mum:
The condition of the bride to be?
-A Christian lady who believes in God.
-A person who can support her husband well in every possible way for his best.
-A person with a good nature.
-If she can play piano well, it will be nice.
-Would be even better if she can play sports well

HAHA I DUNNO WHY I REALLY DONT BUT THIS MADE ME HAPPY (:

anyway how do the dbsk members look after their dogs, breed them, look after the puppies AND be in dbsk? i cant even get a cat cos im studying so WHAT WHAT HOW

OMIGOSH I LOVE THIS. one piece+tvxq= much happiness

am sad at comfirmation that twitter accounts were fake. INTERNET, U MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A FOOL oh well luckily i didnt make a twitter account. on with plans to meet them in person.

Plan D: work in a hotel. which one? all.

am frustrated with the lack of evidence that junsu's and certain suju members' twitters are real. but i am curious as to why the few tweets and why the bad english. and for hankyung's account, why the chinese? for sungmin's, why the japanese? and how come only junsu? poser fans arent THAT detailed... are they? haha. hmm. but shindong's verified account doesnt link any of the other members so it mus be fake...or forgotten? it scares me how some fans actually take the accounts as legit and like talk to them and show them pics. THATS JUST HIGHLY HIGHLY DISTURBING.

Plan C: i need to get a job at the arrival/departure halls of airports.

im amused that the newspaper review did not mention Billy Joe Armstrong mooning us. haha. it is sad to know that i went to a concert that was awesome and would have blown my 14 yearold brains out but that waas then and now im turning 17 and am lacking the ability to appreciate music and all its gimmicks.

isnt it best to be quiet but supportive? mm. i love changmin so much right now. i admire him to the point i think i might change my attitude to the silent but genorous type. (: i am tired. i shall go sleep now.

found a gif (can someone teach me how to upload GIFs on blogs) of dbsk back stripping on their gayo performance. cannot stop staring at it. i want junsu. haha and i noticed that CHANGMIN SIGHS ALL "ARGH DO I REALLY HAVE TO DO THIS?" BEFORE HE DOES IT haha WHY IS HE SO AWESOME

damn you maturity or what i suspect it to be, for making me feel like spending 130 bucks to scream along songs with one of my favorite bands a foolish route to take. and for making me feel that going across the causeway to watch the very first korean group i got into, an unnecessary step to take. why do u make making fun so hard? haha. oh well. appreciating the little things in life make up for it i guess :)

I really really amuse and hate myself. for being this way.

OMG OMG OMG OMG JAEJOONG AND HYUNJOONG IN VANCOUVER

and then going

OMG OMG OMG WHERE IS VANCOUVER

and squealing in amusement at omona comments.

haha okay its in canada im not as lazy as i thought i'd be.

funny thing. i wasnt looking forward to the whole "OMG O LEVEL RESULTS" thing as much as i was looking forward to seeing stars. what the heck do u do with disappointment, i think i've got a hang of but a friend's disappointment never fails to make me realise how low my EQ is. and i hate how education makes people miserable i hate it i hate it and its why i dont take it seriously.

on another note, was reading 8 Questions with Crowd Lu in the newspaper today and he is awesome. i wanna be a uni student and a musician too! :)

cheer up all those who are down. you guys are still awesome.

i wonder what it's like to....

-get jilted at the alter
-be taken away in a golden chariot
-die
-fall asleep right here right now
-learn to love; formally
-give up on relationships without looking back
-fly
-fall in love
-meet dbsk
-find your way home without sight
-have fans
-feel happy at the sight of someone without fail
-be alone in every sense
-talk to God
-get accepted
-discover your limitations
-actually train and hone your talents
-be a better person
-forget everything
-have someone to hold
-stay awake for two whole days without sleep
-drink coffee at 5.24am in the morning
-date 김준수
-find a cure for cancer
-figure out mental states
-be quiet and wise
-stay in a phase for an entire life
-not be affected by superficial affairs
-work
-be a necessity
-release a song
-dream about...

so today, i nearly got hit by a bus and then almost got locked in a staircase landing. i really really hate close calls because i feel like i'm being way too careless but its times like these i realise just how protected i am. and i am thankful.

OMG THE DIRTY EYED GIRLS ARE RECIEVING WORLDWIDE RECOGNITION HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

HERE AND HERE

HAHA I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST FAITH IN JOURNALISM

OMG THIS IS SO AMUSING I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT PLANET I LIVE ON ANYMORE

this needs a big fat HAHA

i don't understand how celebrities can make us feel so happy sometimes. its so delusional and horrid and it just annoys me that i harbour thoughts of airport stalking. EEECH.

this just made me pray that the world doesn't end in 2012 cos i want the chance to grow up, get married with junsu and have kids with junsu. and i dont understand how neitzens can make racist comments about his son like WHAT. who the heck does that. WHAT.

happy new year! 2010 is a new beginning, a chance for me to be a better person. but its freaking me out cos the world is supposedly gonna end in 2 years and i just have this feeling....

:o

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